Summer only has a couple weeks worth of life left in her, before she wilts like a fruity flower in heat. So you gotta give her a chance. Show her what you’ve got. And what is it that harbors in the recesses of your bottomless closet? The right answer is jumpsuits, mini-dresses, maxis, bell-bottoms, high waist shorts and/or skirts and generally ill-fitted flowy things. Everything else is wrong. And I’m not the one dictating terms here; the fashion frat is shouting it from the rooftops and runways of New York and Paris! To clock all things most beloved to the current Parisian heart, I’ve made a list. This is the summer “it” list; it is very jolly, it really
is.
1. 70s hippie glamour makes a colossal comeback this year. Think flared pants tied or belted-up mid-torso, think gypsy dresses, think chunky jewellery. Personally, I think one of the biggest gifts ever (accidentally) made to mankind was Woodstock. Musicians, movie-makers, playwrights, beer pubs, discos and now fashion designers all owe it their life’s savings. They visit and revisit this historic event, tweak and tussle about with it, and “revive” it in a contemporary light until they’re sore. And so it is, that 70s shimmer and shine is back with a “contemporary twist” *yawn*
2. Overheard at a fashion event: a pair of black “kitty heels” right off of Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s was reported stolen by a runway model. Okay maybe I’m exaggerating. Detailed perusal of said reports show that the shoes weren’t stolen, merely “borrowed”. What are kitty heels? They’re a cross between high heels and flats. With a dainty 2 inch pencil heel, it’s for those of you who believe in the saying “nothing lost, nothing gained” For the sacrificial goats in you, kitty heels are the thing.
3. But the real dead weight holding us all prisoners to summer’s ire are the clogs. Yes you heard right. Not the clogs of dirt in your sink or the clogs of hair in your sewage pipes. The clogs we’re talking about are a type of shoe. When Platforms took a tour of Holland, it made it with a couple of undisclosed shoes and came back with children named Clogs. Clogs aren’t comfortable. They aren’t exactly what you’d call divaesque. Obviously we all know that the only things truly divaesque are stilettos and disco-balls. But clogs have the one thing- they are deconstructionist, or atleast appear to be. The perfect inversion of fashionable footwear, the clogs give even skinny sky-scraper girls a complex. I mean walking tall is one thing, but looking like a giant is still a no-no in these parts. They add atleast 6 inches to your height, while leaving you looking like a tottering dummy. Wooden, flat, unimaginative and grand-motherly (although a single grandmother wouldn’t be spotted dead wearing them; they probably prefer Crocs) these are strictly for the blind-lovers of “haute-couture”.
4. To make up for the heaviness of Clogs, feather-light see-through numbers are making the rounds. Sheer blouses in honeysuckle, lavender and oceanic pastels are very much in. I suppose they make one feel…….delicate. Everybody’s wearing it, even the paunchy bunch.
Everything else this season rings mellow and inconspicuous. Or maybe just repetitive. If you’re looking for something marginally new and safe, I’d suggest the jumpsuits. Mix it up with some good old earth (read dirt) and have a ball with this semi-sporty outfit. No seriously, I’d really like a jumpsuit. Commes des Garcons, make me one? Oh never mind, they’re probably too busy making their models look like starved schoolboys (specifically hailing from idyllic English country schools).
